I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.