It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....