my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.