I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...