guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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