watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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