So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
love makes seman taste better
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?