Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...