just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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