So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
