1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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