I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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