I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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