wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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