She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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