can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
