Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
