Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
