Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
