I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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