Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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