I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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