So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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