can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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