Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
