just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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