Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
