why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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