If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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