i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
