grandma shit on top of the toilet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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