It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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