I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
