I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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