9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
