Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
