Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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