bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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