U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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