I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize