Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
