umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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