anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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