smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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