you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think i have two assholes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
