margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.