Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.