I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize