babies were throwing up all over the place
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️