And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.