you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
