Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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