youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
