Will you blow on my dice?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
