Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
