Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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