Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
