Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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