You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
