My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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