the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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