"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
