So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
