You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
