I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
