took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
