So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
