I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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