don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
