Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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