i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
