i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize