i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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