You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
