I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
