Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
