You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
